• “I Was Happily Married When I Realized I Was Bisexual”

    June 18, 2022 | by admin

    “I Was Happily Married When I Realized I Was Bisexual”

    …but not to my husband, family or friends. That would happen later. First, I had to come out to myself.

    Growing up in a socially conservative religion, I was tously e-sex attraction” was contrary to God’s plan. I didn’t have any models for what to do with my fascination with women and girls, so I tried to explain my feelings away.

    I didn’t know any openly LGBTQ people until I was in my teens, and even then, I only knew gay men

    I’m a girl, I told myself, of course I’m curious about other girls! And if I liked looking at them, if I was sometimes mesmerized by breasts and hips, the small of one woman’s back, another woman’s collarbones? Well, I could chalk that up to appraisal, not desire. Women check each other out all the time, I told myself. I want to be like them, not with them. And sure, I thought about kissing my best friend, but that was just hormones misfiring (I blamed a lot on hormones misfiring).

    And I liked being liked by boys, how dating them meant participating in a narrative that everyone in my world could understand, including me

    I was convincing. But I couldn’t always drown out the quiet voice in my head that whispered https://hookupdate.net/tr/jpeoplemeet-inceleme/ there might be more to this story, that there was something shameful about the way I thought about women. I started having panic attacks in elementary school. Something was wrong with me, and somehow it was my fault.

    Boys pushed these anxieties to the back of my mind. I told myself I couldn’t be gay if I liked boys, and I did like them – their mysterious bodies, the ease with which they moved through the world, the bizarre things that fascinated them. I liked how being with them made me think about sex. In my early twenties, I married the best of the boys, an attractive engineer with a dry wit who made me laugh until I cried and saved all the receipts from our first year of dating. My feelings for women never went anywhere, but I got better and better at explaining them away.

    As I got older, my world expanded. Read More >